trying to stop being so thin skinned:
I had an online discussion with a random, we had a short but intense exchange until he replied and then blocked me, robbing me of a chance to reply.
I feel hurt because I couldn’t reply. To me that means he won. I feel insulted and angry.
Yes, this is something I should talk to about with a shrink, but the therapist I contacted hasn’t replied yet, so I might have to start looking for a new one if this one ain’t reliable.
In the meantime I turn to the second best thing I can think of: this channel.
I can try to rationalize it: I cannot change it, I’m letting that guy live free in my mind, letting it go is the rational thing to do.
Except that here I’m not being rational, but emotional and I don’t know why this triggers me so much.
Not having the last word triggers me. How would you solve this?
I can’t help you with this in the general sense… but trust me, if they block you, you won. That’s a full retreat on their part.
A stranger’s opinion shouldn’t hold so much worth.
It really annoys me that you think that
/s
I’m the same and it can be really difficult to deal with. The easiest ways I found are to, either, write it down or say it out loud to my girlfriend (as in, she knows it’s difficult for me and is willing to just listen to me rant to empty my mind). Works most of the time.
If they block you, you never have to hear them again. That sounds like a win for you in my book!
Getting the last word in an argument isn’t a victory.
good advice
Go outside. Pet an animal. Play in the snow if you have any. Get coffee with a friend. Etc.
Someone who withdraws from a discussion and blocks a person didn’t “win”, they ran, and deserve to be ignored.
Eh, sometimes there are bad faith debaters who will follow you online for weeks and try to harass you after you decide its not worth wasting energy on an argument anymore. I’ve definitely blocked such people and not because I (feel like I) lost the argument
Sure, but those are easily spotted and not worth wasting a thought in the first place.
never thought of it like this
Just out of curiosity: Why do you ask that quesion every few days?
what question did I ask twice every few days?
I mean three days before you asked a very similar question on how to develop a thicker skin and you got lots of answers, some very long and detailed. I think I didn’t reply because I’ve answered that question several times before, pointed to the ancient greek philosophers, stoicism and how to pay attention to the small things around you and focus on positivity and not waste your energy on negativity. That’s generally good advice, but not tailored to your individual situation.
I’m not sure why you ask the same question again. Maybe the answers didn’t help you. Or it’s just me who thinks it’s the same question again but for you this is a different take on a similar topic.
Since you didn’t engage in the previous discussion, I thought I’d ask you a direct question. I mean you could just be venting and running through the 5 stages of grief or something. Anyways, I think it’s a valid question and you should be able to live a happy life.
How did the thing with the failed appointment turn out? Did you get an apology?
Keeps getting blocked of course. Gets into arguments frequently online.
… do I know you?
Haha no.
In this specific case, I’d say he admitted defeat by blocking you.
I’m sorry, I don’t have anything helpful to contribute. But I just wanted to say that I’ve been there and will probably be there again in the future. So I 100% understand what you’re feeling right now. I’ll be reading the comments as well. Good luck, friend.
Take a deep breath. In these 5 seconds you might feel very upset at this user, and if it’s something that really triggers you it might ruin your next 5 minutes or 5 hours.
In 5 days, will you really care about whatever this user had to say that got you upset? Not really right? Let alone in your next 5 weeks, months or years, this will fade to nothing but a mere trifling squabble. You have better things in life to think and be excited about and worse things in life to worry over.
My advice for something you recognize making you irrationally upset, is try to transport the “How you feel about it in 5 days” into your present mindset so that will give you better perspective.
I actually ran into something similar recently. To me, the point of accepting the things you cannot change is inevitable. It may hurt in the moment, but so long as you recognize it as something you cannot change it will quickly slip away. It’s in the past already, flowing into the distance on this stream of time.
I think the only issue is figuring out what to recognize as something you cannot change. People run into problems when they refuse to acknowledge something is out of control and chase after it.
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Try to imagine where they’re coming from, their perspective or situation which could potentially lead to their point of view.
Very relatable yet very brave to talk to the „local pub“ about such a private matter.
I have circles I discuss such matters with:
- wife, closest friends, therapist - matters that make me feel very triggered because they know how to get me down
- friends, closed or niche chat rooms to talk about my stuff in general. Often not with clearname but still somewhat private matters
- open spaces (lemmy, reddit, forums). Stuff that does not trigger me so as to not spiral out of control if a troll finds me there
Coming to the problem:
Having someone put in the last word and blocking you is actually very petty and a last resort if someone got triggered themselves. I‘d say it is dumb but I have to say I did so myself if someone was very rude.
Try to think of it like this:
- this person does not know you so their judgement does not concern you
- if they said mean things and blocked they‘re probably very young and didn’t know how to help themselves
- thinking in winning and losing is not helpful at all. You should instead try to learn and help others to learn. Its not important who has done „better“ in a discussion
Btw getting triggered normally is evidence that something has hurt you in the past and not the current interaction is hurting you but it reminded you of a situation where you were hurt. You can try to solve it by speaking about these things with your therapist or close/reflected friends.
I hope this is helpful. I wish you good luck.
