Have seen both sides of the fence on this.
Met my first wife when I was in my 20s, she was a bit older, already divorced with kids. We were together for over 10 years, and one of her sons lived with us off and on during his teenage years. We enjoyed all the benefits of a childless existence - disposable income, freedom to do whatever we wanted evenings/weekends, etc, etc.
Eventually our marriage broke down. The reasons for it are entirely unrelated to us not having kids, but we were definitely not destined to be together for the rest of our lives.
About a year or so later I met an incredible woman, and I truly learned what it meant to have a soulmate. We were awesome together. She already had two young kids - 6yo and 9yo - and, a year or so later again, we had our own baby girl. We married a couple of years after that.
We now have a family that includes an amazing 21yo woman, a fabulous 18yo fella, and a beautiful 10yo daughter. My life is complete and I can’t imagine it without any of them in it.
When you know, you know.
I can’t fathom why anyone would want to have kids. Not for me.
No kids. They’re a huge, life long commitment that you need to be willing to sacrifice everything for. Your happiness, your sanity, your time, your money… everything.
And I’m not the type of person who wants kids nearly enough to do that.
Especially when people tell me that I should for reasons like having a caretaker when I’m older. I’m not attached to my parents enough to do that. Why would I expect that of anything I pop out? And what a horrible selfish reason to make a new human that is!
If the only reason I’d be having a kid is selfish reasons in the distant future that aren’t even a guarantee, then that’s not worth sacrificing myself for right now.
Nothing against other people who want to be parents, so long as they’re prepared and not doing it as some sort of life insurance or to make a clone of themselves.
yep, good opinion sir…
It’s not such a binary thing. For example, you can obtain some, hodl for a bit, and later return them for a profit. It’s basically like the stock market, except people refer to the money you get as a “ransom” rather than a “profit” for some reason. What many people outside the industry don’t know is that it doesn’t officially become a crime until police get involved. So just insist on “No police!” in your sales calls. /s
Interpretierte Instruktionen falsch, Kind steckt in Toaster fest!
Mag-sein, dass du musst deinen Babelfisch fixieren.
I’m in my 40s now and never liked children, even when I was one myself. So to me the decision not to procreate came very natural and has never changed. I was so certain that I never wanted any kids that I got myself sterilized when I was 25 or 26, don’t remember exactly. Just to be certain I couldn’t be trapped by some oopsie. Didn’t regret that step for a second.
I don’t remember my mom being motherly, and asked her about it once. She said “I don’t like kids.” I said"but you have so many kids!" And her reply?
“Well, I like you all now, I knew you would grow up, kids don’t stay kids, they grow into people.”
Good on you, live your life on your terms!
I’m not sure you’re going to get an objective answer to this as no one has lived a life of either having kids or not having kids, hungrythirstyhorny.
I will say that, as a single male in his mid forties who has observed a good amount of life; first, the thought of not having people to rely on in you’re old age is a little worrisome; and two, not having had someone to pass my knowledge and skills down to is a little sad. However, I really enjoy the freedom and opportunities my life (and bank account) affords me.
There is always a cost to freedom. Or, as Jonis Joplin put it - freedom’s just another word for nothin’ left to lose. Choosing to not have children is a selfish act. Whether “selfish” is a bad thing or not is subjective.
I would offer that anyone who’s going through life without children, find some altruistic outlet to participate in. You can otherwise find yourself wondering what your legacy may be or what the point of your life has been - aka a mid-life crisis.
owh okay i see
but for me, i prefer not having any kids, not because of the freedom,
but sometimes i think, i wont be a good parent for them
im afaraid that i cant provide them with all the good things that any parents should give…
i accept your opinion, thank you
pardon my english :)
My initial reason for not having kids was financial. I think a lot of people have learned it may be better to have children later in life when you can properly care for them. I know many people who’ve had their first child in their late-30s and early-40s. My aunt had her first child in her fifties. That’s not something that was common before modern medicine.
I have always had the idea that I would have a kid if and when I met the right person to share parenting with. That hasn’t happened so I’ve had to put some thought into my priorities. It’s not fair to have a child just because it’s what society says you should do or just because you want someone to take care of you when you’re old. It’s so much more than that and I think people should be more mindful of the responsibilities and long term repercussions.
In your second paragraph, the two reasons you stated to have kids are entirely selfish. Then you say not having kids is selfish?
I offered two reasons I personally may regret not having children. I could list several others such as the pure joy of watching them grow into adults and mimic you and your partner. If you want to say that’s selfish, to bring another human into the word to experience a universe of emotion you’d otherwise never experience, I understand that perspective. No argument.
But then I offered that choosing to prioritize your own life is in and of itself a selfish act. It’s more explicitly about you than it is about another person.
Would you disagree that going out to eat by yourself is more of a selfish act than inviting a friend to eat out with you? Sharing an experience is less selfish, no?
I think that deciding not to have kids is not a selfish act. Having kids just to have a fallback when old and frail on the other hand side is very much so.
I agree, I don’t think not having kids has anything to do with being selfish.
But I guess what they meant to say is just that having kids is hard. A lot of times, people become more selfless and less focused on their own wants and needs after they become parents.
Of course, some people don’t actually become more selfless or responsible, and instead they just become bad, narcissistic parents. But the choice to have kids is associated with the choice to be a responsible adult and work for the benefit of others, at least in theory.
That argument makes sense. Though I see it more from choosing to prioritize yourself and own self interests over having children and sharing a life with them as selfish too. I guess we’re all selfish one way or another.
Right, I get what you mean, and I agree. No matter how you put it, nothing is ever entirely selfless.
Kids. The whole world is new and interesting to them and that is infectious.
No, absolutely not. At least, certainly none of my own, even if I were capable of it… I don’t really see the point in procreating with the world on such a catastrophic trajectory. On the other hand, if I find myself in a situation where I have a home and resources to share, and some unfortunate already-existing kids need those things, I’d certainly offer them a place. That would be just as true for non-kids though, so I dunno how much of a “parent” that’d really make me.
‘Steve and I were talking about children one time, and he said the problem with children is that they carry your heart with them. The exact phrase was, “It’s your heart running around outside your body.”’
– Eric Schmidt, quoting Steve Jobs.
Ironic considering how he treated his first daughter.
thanks for the quote
Kids for me. They have improved my life more than anything else. Having the first two pushed me to go back to school and get a real job. I got more when my ex & I split and I married a guy with kids; we have a staggering number between us, most were teens or older when we got together and they are all close now, so they have a network of family to help and socialize with. The youngest is almost done with high school so we are in the final stretch of having them at home. The Thanksgiving feast here is insane, so many people, chaotic and fun.
Now - having said all that, I always knew I wanted kids, not necessarily to birth them but to raise them. Babies are adorable , little kids blistering cute, teenagers so much fun and occasionally helpful, and then they grow up and are actual people. It is work I find fulfilling and it helps the world to have educated, sensible, open-minded people. Most of my kids don’t want kids themselves and that’s fine! Everyone has their own life to live.
So for me, kids. For you, whatever you want, I don’t think it’s essential to become an adult and don’t think it’s the only way to get a family either.
I had two terrible toddlers, but once they were kids they were cool. Two who I guess will get a midlife crisis, because they never caused trouble as kids or teens. The rest I got when they were teens or older and while not all of them (bio or other) were academic superstars or high performing athletes or anything, they were all reasonable and interesting and diverse people by teenage years.
thanks for the opinion.
its so heartwarming to read your comment
pardon my english :)
I have one kid and it’s one of the best things so far life has dished out for me. I love him so much and he’s so much fun. I know one kid is my limit though. Enjoy!
I have kids, it is great knowing that I’ve successfully continued my bloodline like my ancestors before me.
While those that have not procreated will die as failures in the eyes of nature. Their bloodlines will end in 100 years it will be like they were never there to begin with.
Kids are also pretty awesome to have.
I don’t have kids of my own, but through my time with my step-kids, I’ve learned I would’ve loved to have one or two. I totally understand people who don’t want kids. They can be a huge, expensive hassle. But I feel like I’ve gotten so much more back from them than it ever cost me. Plus they gave me this cup that I drink from every morning.
This is marvellous!
That cup is awesome (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞
That is a trophy right there
Late 40s. I wanted kids, or at least I think I wanted kids. Might have just been society telling me I wanted kids.
Regardless, kids never happened and I’m glad. My partner and I both agree this world is messed up. And honestly, I probably shouldn’t pass my messed up genes to a new generation.
Kids for me. On my third one. It is hard at times and you sacrifice a lot of your time, and energy (money is less of an issue up to the second one I’d say, the real costs starts at three where you need to upgrade cars and shit) in order to be a good parent. But watching them grow up and be brilliant boys, is very rewarding. I am happy that I am providing them a good life so far, they are smart and devour knowledge, and they take on my interests kinda naturally so it’s fun teaching them things I enjoy.
In a few years we will be nerding out on Dota or PoE or whatever, anime, maybe I will DM an rpg for them and their cousins that live nearby. Start them up with python or so. Teach them Japanese, maybe have them start tennis or so. Or maybe they will nerd out with something on their own. Well see…
Tomorrow I’ll grab the boys and go to the countryside for hiking up the mountains, playing in the forest, eating awesome food in taverns and so on. Will be tiring, but will be fun.
So yeah. Kids are fun and they give me a purpose to strive for. Peace and quiet while being alone was definitely something, but after experiencing both, for me it is purposeless, unfulfilling, and gets pretty boring pretty quick.
its so good to have someone that have the same interests, especially if thats our kids… have a great life
pardon my english :)
You have very different kids to me.
