Nothing stands out in particular, they were all pretty dull. Haven’t attended one ever since I was 16 and could make my own choices.
A Mormon service… the amount of brain-washing and misogyny was incredible…
But only the caffeine free one.
deleted by creator
Seventh Day Adventists
I dated someone who was raised seventh day Adventist. Being told by a woman that you’re going to hell for going to church on Sunday while your dick is currently inside of them (and you’re not married) was a fun experience.
I was about so say “what about caffeine free” but that’s just the Mormons again.
Hello fellow escapee. You might recognize the one I commented on here lol
When I was a freshman in college, I let this youth group convince me to visit their weird church. The “pastor” was a young guy who spent the entire sermon talking about how he squandered his time in college before eventually dropping out. Fortunately, the old pastor took pity on him and gave him a job as an assistant—running errands, cleaning, etc. Then one day the old pastor died, so our hero basically just took over since no one else wanted to.
When it was done he tried to sell us bags of stale coffee.
How do you know the coffee was stale?
Because the youth group was serving it with free donuts—it’s pretty much the reason I went. To be fair, they were really nice; it was just a bizarre experience. I didn’t realize you could just inherit a church and declare yourself a pastor without any formal training.
I went to a wedding, my girlfriend’s friend was getting married.
For context I’m a brown skinned native American man and my girlfriend was a white girl.
The pastor of the wedding had never met the people he was marrying and assumed that I was the groom.
I told him I wasn’t and he moved on.
I thought that was the end of it.
Queue the pre-wedding little religious ceremony thing and the same pastor who had met me assuming I was the groom and shook my hand said that he believed that with the power of Christ any relationship can work, even ones between people of different races.
He looked directly at me when he said it.
I was the only non-white person at the wedding. I’ve never wanted to beat an old man’s ass before. I didn’t know I had that urge within me.
And now I know.
The church is just another avenue of oppression, no surprise it is full of people who can manage to be bigoted about topics their religion does not even actually talk about.
Ugh, I imagine the pastor going through his sermon mentally before the ceremony and thinking he would get bonus points for incorporating how “inclusive” marriage through Christ is. 🙄
There was the one where the guy said “feminism is the worst thing that has ever happened to women.”
The one where the guy said “[Jesus] rolled away the stone and crawled out of his tomb fully healed even though his legs were broken” was pretty interesting giving the blatant blasphemy of it all. He had to apologize next week.
After looking up how much money my local megachurch took in last year ($60 mil) versus how much they spent on charity ($3 mil), I think you were probably justified.
I didn’t grow up in a church that had one of those. So I’ve always wondered what would they do if you came to Sunday service, in a hobo outfit and took some of the money in the collection plate. The defense being, ‘What? I’m poor. I’m homeless. Jesus would have given.’
I was around 9 or 10 when this happened. I went with my best friend and his mother. Everyone made a big deal about there being someone new at the church. Then i was handed a gold plate bowl thing of money, so i started stuffing handfuls of money into my pockets thinking everyone was welcoming me with cash. My friend was giggling, i looked at his mother and she was shaking her head. I passed the plate along but kept what was in my pockets.
I’ve seen a collection plate with a tap-to-pay terminal so that would make it more difficult.
More likely to depend on region of the country or world than anything else.
That would make for one hell of a NotTheOnion, story.
It was right around the release of Star Wars Episode I, and the new pastor thought if he brought modern pop culture references into his sermon, maybe The Youths would sit up and pay attention.
The sermon was a whole thing about “being a Jedi Knight for God” and it was insufferable. I’m not sure time has ever gone by slower. I was twelve and absolutely not won over, I wanted to crawl out of the pew and die.
I unironically loved that shit when I was like 5
Being a kid with ADHD, all of them. Each and every service drove me to the brink of insanity. I stopped going once I was old enough to decide for myself.
I have clear memories of the pastor at my parents’ church talking about how the gay agenda’s next steps were legalizing bestiality and pedophilia. Probably would’ve been somewhere around 2014-2015. Looking back, it was absolutely the beginning of the end of me having anything to do with religion, so maybe it’s actually the best sermon I ever sat through.
…day eet dah poopoo
deleted by creator
The one when it was my job to carry the crackers for communion up to the alter. About a half dozen slid off the plate when I turned.
That one where Trump held up a bible
I might be mixing up events, but I thought that it was a photo-op when mass protests were happening in D.C. You know… appeal to the Christians. Am I mixing it up with something else?
No I just thought it was funny. But in reality the worst “sermon” (so to speak) I attended was when the speaker started going off about men in tight pants and women in “spanx”. He very clearly didn’t understand what spanx were and was most likely talking about yoga pants. That’s not even to mention the homophobic rant where he implied that all fashion designers were perverted gay men who designed tight pants so that they could look lustfully at other men in tight pants
This reminds me of a tweet I saw where a pastor was saying that “it’s a good thing that homosexuality is against God’s law cuz if it weren’t guys would just be banging each other left and right” and the person who was reposting it said “I know something about you that you don’t know”
Some homophobes don’t believe in the existence of straight people.
deleted by creator
Could be hot Texas southern Baptist sermons running way too long while we all fan ourselves with paper fans we made from the printed agenda, or maybe it was a lively one on some random church-hopping day with speaking in tongues and prophets translating, or maybe it was one where my uncle said shit that was masked condescension cast towards his kids, or or or. It was definitely NOT one where I “went to the bathroom” but actually went hiking.
deleted by creator
