So she’s kind of been reluctant in people knowing where she lives. And from my understanding you can just leave if you want but when it comes to her house. And since yeah it’s her house I do wonder where the boundary lays. So I am an adult yes and my mom is out right now with my sister taking care of me and staying around the house which has me worried but she said she would be back either Sunday or Monday and I’m planning on taking my chances Sunday. But seriously what is the rules as it comes down to there are cameras my sister has access to so I think she might see me leaving anyway and question me on this. So what exactly are my rights as an adult? Can someone pick me up in the driveway and we just leave together and then come back home? I do think even if I leave and come back home that can show some form of trust and then I can eventually tell my mom what I did when she gets back home. I even hope I can use my recent birthday as an excuse to start dating. But the main point I want to bring up is if I can tell someone where I live and have them pick me up outside the house?
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Oh trust me I have tried. My mom tends not to believe that I can find anyone but right now she’s gone for an entire month.
I think you should ask your sister about this. It’s her job to take care of you. Should your mom find out not only will she be mad at you, she’ll be mad at your sister. Your mom might even find someone else to take care of you
you on a conservatorship or house arrest or something?
Elsewhere you say you’re 25. As long as you’re in a free country and a judge has not pronounced you incapable of taking care of yourself, then yeah. You can leave the house without asking permission.
Edit: The below is true for (most states in) the US, which I have assumed OP is from based on the use of “mom” and “OWI”. The downvoters are ignorant.
If you’re an adult then legally you’re a tenant, and you have all the rights of a tenant living with a landlord. Given that you almost certainly don’t have a written contract, there aren’t really any additional terms she can impose that go beyond a standard tenancy agreement.
To be clear, most jurisdictions treat a tenant living with a landlord slightly different to a tenant living privately in a separate property. So if you want to look up your rights for where you live you need to make sure it’s for that kind of cohabiting situation.
However, your mom can’t just kick you out, legally. She has to formally evict you using the same process any other landlord would evict their tenant. If she did kick you out or change the locks, you would be within your rights to call the police and have them mediate to grant access to your home.
As a tenant, you are allowed to have guests over. Not just waiting outside or on the driveway to pick you up, but inside and maybe even occasional overnight stays. Although again this may be where living with the landlord makes it slightly different.
All of this is underscored by the non-legal parts - your relationship with your mother and your continued tenancy. She can evict you, and if you fall out then she may well do that. Just because the law is on your side doesn’t necessarily mean your mom will want or have to maintain a relationship with you. A balanced position might be to assert your rights while trying not to be a dick about it and offering a fair compromise with your mom. I would say meeting your boyfriend in your driveway is a reasonable compromise, however she might not see it that way.
A lot of places don’t work like you’re describing.
Sure, but absent any specifics from OP I’ve taken the fact that they said “mom” to point to them being in the US.
Obviously, the exact law depends on the jurisdiction, but saying “mom” at the very least rules out several places where this isn’t the case. OP also mentioned an “OWI”, which is an American legal term.
You seem to be very intentionally dodging the question everybody in this discussion has been asking: Why are you, an adult, being taken care of by a family member?
Aside from very literally answering the question by saying, “Well my sister is taking care of me because Mom is gone,” you haven’t addressed the subtext of that question: why do you need taking care of at all? Do you have some form of condition that requires you to have a caregiver as an adult?
Please make careful note of sentences I have written that end in question marks (“?”)—those answers are important.
I don’t get it either as I can be trusted home alone I feel.
Being trusted in a particular location does not depend on your feelings but on whether or not your behaviour demonstrates that you have earned that trust. Looking for boundaries - how much you can get away with - does not demonstrate you can be trusted, unless you frame it from the other person’s perspective, for example you could ask your mom if she’s comfortable for dates to pick you up from a few houses down the road, and if not how far out you should go. This lets her set the boundary she’s comfortable with and you can gain trust by respecting that boundary and not attempting to push it - in fact go the other way and add 25 yards to it.
Without more information/context, there are not much strangers on the internet can help you. If you’re going to go out for the date, make sure to leave some information for your sister or friend, just in case.
I am sorry. You need help that we cannot give on a message board. You need to find a trusted person you can tell your story to. You should ask them for help.
Good luck.
You don’t sound like an adult.
TL;DR You are almost certainly a tenant and have the rights of a tenant, but common sense says you should respect your mom’s wishes and not give out her address online.
Because I’m annoyed that people assumed I was wrong and that you must be in some other jurisdiction, I’ve dug in deeper and I’m going to give 4 specific examples for jurisdictions you might live in based on your use of “OWI”.
Wisconsin - an adult child is a tenant, and must be formally evicted. Source
Michigan - an adult child is a tenant, and must be formally evicted. Source
Iowa - an adult child is a tenant, and must be formally evicted. Source
Indiana - an adult child is a tenant, and must be formally evicted. Source
These are the 4 states that commonly use OWI instead of DUI (technically Wisconsin uses something slightly different but I think they commonly say OWI - this source lists these 4 states, while this source has a full list of the specific legal terms for every state).
Your mom could evict you for breaking her house rules, but she can’t just immediately throw you on the streets. She has to serve proper written notice and go through the courts to get you evicted.
In practice, it might be hard to enforce these rights, but they are your rights. If your mom kicks you out or changes the locks the police should be called to mediate your entry. At the very least you should be able to collect some belongings eg clothes, toiletries, legal documents (birth cert and SSN card). Furthermore, if you are unable to properly assert your rights as a tenant, you likely still have a strong civil claim - you would be able to sue your mom for an unlawful eviction and claim back what you spend on last minute accommodation.
However, it’s generally better not to get kicked out in the first place - in particular you need up front money to pay for last minute accommodation and the cost of filing a lawsuit. Such a lawsuit may be small claims, where the filing fees are relatively low and you don’t need a lawyer, but the specifics of this vary by state much more than adult child tenancies (for example, Iowa is up to $5,000 for small claims, but Wisconsin can be up to $10,000 for money and Wisconsin has no limits on rent claims).
Disclaimer: IANAL - I Am Not A Lawyer, if you want proper information you should try to get a free consultation with a lawyer local to you that deals with tenancies.
Setting aside all the legal stuff, you should consider what your behaviour looks like to your mom. If you want to demonstrate that you’re a responsible adult that should be trusted, you probably shouldn’t be trying to “take your chances” and circumvent your mom’s rules. She doesn’t want random people knowing her address, so don’t give out her address to random people you meet online. You would be better off meeting them in a public place with other people around, but at the very least you could meet on a nearby street rather than letting them come all the way to your mom’s.
Do you ever leave the house? Like to go to work or the library or to hang out with friends? Just leave as if you’re doing one of those things, and then meet your date somewhere.
If you never leave the house, that is something you might consider addressing before you start dating. There can be lots of reasons to leave the house that don’t involve an unwitting stranger getting pulled into your rather unique family situation.
Second. Even if you’re an adult, you’re in your mother’s house. It sucks but it’s her rules. If she doesn’t want people coming to her house, then respect that. Get picked up somewhere else.
As stated in the above post, don’t involve someone else by giving them permission that your mother would not give.
For sure, best case it’s like this, just respect for homeowner’s property.
Also questions of abuse and confinement possibly? Which if present, needs to be addressed. And relying on an Internet stranger for an escape is 1) super unfair to the internet stranger or 2) a great way to land in an even more abusive relationship.
This one is firmly above lemmy pay grade. OP might need local support resources that can help them within their specific legal and cultural situation.
Mr. F!
The fact OP posts this question tells me she’s not ready
its funny, I assumed OP is a dude. Do we have any clarification?
You’re probably going to have to have a chat with your mum about this because if there’s not a good specific reason for her concern, then it would be helpful to you if she could relax on this issue because it’s impinging on your ability to enjoy your life as an adult. She should care about that and if she doesn’t that tells you something. Ideally you could avoid the whole issue by meeting your date somewhere other than your house, although it will be awkward if you are unable to return home with them at any stage. Can your sister or any of your friends give you a ride to meet your date elsewhere?
A point of confusion I have from your post is whether you’re asking about your rights to date people, or just your rights to have them pick you up from the house. As far as dating people is concerned, you say you’re 25, you can do what you want neither your Mum nor your sister have any choice about it. You do not have to justify this or use your recent birthday as an excuse for anything because there’s nothing to excuse. Whether you want to date people is up to you and you alone.
If your Mum specifically requested that you not bring your date to the house it would be rude to just ignore her, particularly if she has some special reason to be extra careful, but it’s also a very strange request for her to make of her 25 year old adult-child so you’ll definitely need her to give a pretty good explanation why you shouldn’t do this. Similarly, it’s a very strange situation to be in that you’re worried about your sister watching camera footage of you as some kind of evidence of wrong doing, why is she in a position to do that and why would she want to? How old is she? Such behaviour is bizarre and controlling.
A lot of the details of your post sound like you’ve been living in strange and possibly abusive circumstances where your mother and sister are putting a lot of effort in to monitoring and controlling you, which they do not any rights to do. In most places I know of, a person is legally an “adult” at 18 years of age, how long have they been doing this to you? Were you allowed friends and relationship in school? What about afterwards at work or university?
Do you want to continue living with your mother? It might be a good idea to start gaining some more independence in your life so you can safely choose to live in a different arrangement if you want to. No offence, but the way you write does sound strangely young and naive for a 25 year old, especially the idea that you need to have either your mother or your sister around to look after you. Do you have friends that know about your living arrangements? Do you know many people outside of your house? If you tried to make friends and spend time with them, is that something your mother would try to stop you doing? It sounds like you’re very isolated and your Mum is keeping it that way on purpose. Unless there’s some very specific context that can explain all these details, then it sounds like there’s something very wrong about how your family is treating you.
Going through OPs past posts, it’s interesting…
I hope you find the help ya need.
Interesting may be an understatement…
Could we have the whole context please?
Why are you, a 25-year old, without driving licence in a car dependant zone? What do you do as a job? Do you have friends? Do you have hobby where you meet people?
You sound like a prisonner at your mother’s house and your date sounds like a little issue compared to the everything else (like loneliness, no freedom to go where you please, maybe no occupation?, vulnerability to your family ….)
There are no roles, only consequences. The real question here is what are the consequences, and we can’t know that.
