By choice.
Happiness is not found. It’s not an object, rather a state of perception. The more you’ll objectify and discretize happiness, the less likely you’re to achieve it.
That being said, usually drugs.
On a serious note, two books helped me to understand this mystery a bit more
- Zen Mind, beginner’s mind by S. Suzuki
- Flow: the psychology of optimal experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi.
Saved the recommendations, thanks !
Ah, another non mainstream source of inspirational knowledge is the Blindboy Boatclub podcast. Over years he produced a lot of episodes on the subjects of mental health and experiences delivered in a very democratic, relatable way. Mixed with crazy hot takes, like how Ney York disco was the original punk for/by LGBT community, seasoned with a thickest Limerick accent and storytelling. Delicious.
I think your comment is the key. Many others tell what to do, but yours addresses the core in that you won’t be happy unless you decide or allow yourself to be happy (perception).
I used to mock those people who would say things like “smile in the mirror and tell yourself that it’s going to be a great day”. Later in life, I figured out that that’s what they needed to do, so good for them. For me, it’s something else. I need to be around nature to ground my feelings. Other times, it’s physical cardiac exertion, like a bike ride.
Medication can help if there’s a real medical problem, like depression. Self medicating can be dangerous.
I find happiness getting lost in projects, projects being anything & everything from writing to designing to stuff around the house to whatever. Just something that gets me obsessed for at least a few days or weeks. I can’t predict when it will happen, it just has to be a sufficient problem for me to look at.
I also find happiness with some people, but that sort of happiness is unpredictable as well since people have their own lives going on and feelings can change over time. Getting too close to people though can just as easily make my life feel meaningless and make me depressed when things turn sour. I tend to crave affection and physical touch, so this is a hard one for me to just ignore this.
I find happiness getting lost in projects
I relate to this on a visceral level
For me:
- Set goals
- Accomplish those goals
That’s what gives me the best feedback. The more realistic goals I set and the more often I accomplish them, the better I feel. Bonus points for setting “due dates” for bigger goals and seeing if you can meet your own deadline.
By remembering and being fully aware of who you are in this world … by being grateful for the good fortune you had by being born in the situation and family you have now.
You could have been born in an African village and lived for a year before dying of something. You could have been born in the slums of Mumbai. You could have been born in Gaza. You could also remove the time constraint and you could have been born a peasant in medieval Europe.
Out of all the billions of human lives that have existed so far, there are many that were born during this time but only a small percentage of them were lucky enough to be born in a family with wealth and privilege enough to enjoy the modern technologies we’ve created so far.
I am lucky, you are lucky and anyone who is able to read this is lucky to have been born at this time to enjoy this online chat.
Remember where you are in this world and this time. As unhappy as you think you might be, there are millions of people that wish they could have the life you have now.
Be happy because you are a winner of the cosmic lottery of existence.
the good fortune you had by being born in the situation and family you have now.
That’s not the case for every household
When l don’t worry about family, work, mortgage or the long list of chores I’m pushing in front of me.
I mostly listen to books during the commute, and play a few games when time allows it.
Realize you aren’t going to be happy all the time. We live a life that sometimes sucks. Our grandparents, our parents, our siblings, and our friends die. Choose to remember the happy times you had with them. Go do things you like to do, remember those times when shit is bad and know that you can make more happy memories later too.
Find happiness in love, from people, from pets, maybe even your children if you choose to have some. Make others happy too if you want because happiness is better when shared with others.
I‘m completely switching up my life right now to live to 87 to be able to watch the total eclipse on my birthday
This is key - goals!
Happiness is fleeting. Sometimes you’re happy, sometimes you’re not. I was told as a young man that what I should seek instead is contentment, because someone content with their place in life will be happier more often. That said, a lot of people find satisfaction and happiness from helping others. Volunteering, and being a part of your community gives someone a sense of belonging, and purpose.
It seems that happiness is something in one’s mind, an internal state. I’ve seen people happy who have very little, and the opposite. Happiness is therefore a perception. The mind is the lens through which we perceive everything, so focusing the lens at the right things and ensuring it’s a clean lens are the right starting point to “finding” happiness.
Cleaning the lens: Eat well, sleep well, exercise.
These three fundamentals lay the foundation of a clean lens. If you do the above, you have created the best physical conditions for your mind. You are unfortunately a chemical creature, so the physical state of your brain is critical to all pursuits, including perception of reality.
The next step is pointing the lens at the right things, stay tuned for our next episode!
stay tuned for our next episode!
When will it be airing?
I recently asked a friend of mine something similar and i will add it here for the sake of discussion.
We need to fulfill our basic needs in order to be happy and content with life. There are 3 basic/main categories:
1: bodily needs: better diet, exercise etc.
2: mental needs: intellectual conversation/pondering, reading/writing a book, even playing some video games etc.
3: spiritual needs: religion/hope for a better time and better place
I would also add one more,
4: social needs: spending time with friends and family, doing something for the community, relationships and dating etc.
Since my friend and I are religious, 3 makes sense on its own. But you might need to think about what it means to you. Imo the most important part is having hope.
Personally for me, its 1 and 4 that i struggle the most with. And in the end, its okay to be wrong and try different things and formulas to find what works best for you.
Don’t be afraid to make mistakes! You live and you learn!
Hobbies, do things you like to do. If you don’t have any yet then have some fun figuring out new things to see what clicks for you
Find your thing.
For me that’s been different things as I’ve gone through life. Currently in my 50s and enjoying riding a motorbike at weekends. When I’d ridden all the local roads so many times it was starting to get boring, I added another layer and am now riding my bike to every Village in my county. It’s going to take a while, but has given another layer of interest and purpose. Many people won’t understand why it’s interesting to me, and that’s fine, they don’t have to. Finding what works for you is half the challenge.
BTW, if you’ve got depression, then finding happiness without resolving that is really, really difficult. Been there and absolutely everything felt bleak and pointless. Fixing that is the first step.
You don’t find happiness. It comes and goes. Imagine being happy all the time; it would just become normal. You need non happy times to appreciate the happy times.
As someone that is either very happy or very sad, I find happiness in my hobbies. I need my mind to be occupied to pass the time, but then there is the thought I’m just waiting to die and passing time.
Hobbies that make me happy are:
- Indoor bouldering (rock climbing) is the only thing I’ve found that lets me escape the constant train of thought and be in the moment. It’s a nerdy hobby as lots of problem solving mixed with strength training.
- Running
- Rubiks cube
- Lego
- Cross stitch
- Paint by numbers
- 3D printing
- learning
- many more but this is getting long.
As someone who is down a lot of the time and has ADHD but stopped the meds as the side affects were worse than living with ADHD; I’ve found that routine is a massive thing required to be content with life. Consistent bed time and wake time. I am not a morning person but after 18 months of waking at 07:30 or 06:00, depending on if I’m taking the train to work, that I now wake up a few minutes before my alarm quite often; I’m still tired and I hate it but it gets easier.
Spending time with other people is key too. I find if I’m down it’s usually cause I’ve been alone a lot (which I love) and that can be bad for me so I’ll go see friends even if I don’t want to just to engage.
Luckily I can spot when I’m spiralling. I have an urge to fire up Minecraft and live vicariously through Steve and shut out the world.
