When you get to the end of your life, old and tired, and you look back on all the things you did and time you spent, what will make you say: yes, I did well and it was all worth it?
Put another way, if you have an extra hour tomorrow with nothing planned, what could you do with yourself to later say: I’m glad I did that? What if you have an unplanned day? Or a week? Does how you use that time change? Would the choice of how to use that time be more or less deliberate, depending on how long you have? Does that choice define you as a person?
Stayed honest and followed my nose into whatever actually lit me up and really did things fully.
The four kids I raised after their mother passed. I did a good job. They all will be hanging out with me (and each other) for a week in December for the holidays.
From one father of four to the next: Damn good job!!
That hour would need to be filled with whatever my conscience dictated. And if I never had yours like that, my conscience would dictate that I rearrange things until it did.
I hope that at the end of my life I can look back and say that I followed my conscience.
There are some philosophical undertones here, and I’m wondering what you really want to ask. Could you elaborate?
I don’t know what words might better express what I’m thinking. So I’ll tell a story. I was raised religious, in a demanding Christian sect. There were a lot of expectations and judgement about what it takes to be a good person. Now, I’ve arrived at a point in my life where I reject the religious ideology and the conception of what it means to be a good person. I think that life is due to chance, that life is brief and temporary and that meaning is created only in my mind. I’m married and have kids. That gave me a lot of meaning, but my wife and I have drifted apart and my kids are mostly grown and are mostly independent. What now? I enjoy sports, and VR gaming and public speaking. I also tried cannabis (legal in my country) and it’s fun. Is there any reason I shouldn’t use it often? Is there something more important I should do with my life? Will I regret later doing things that are fun now?
Maybe none of it matters, but I’m curious what other people think and feel and believe. I’m happy to hear philosophical views, but I’m really curious about how others live.
Thank you for your clarity. I don’t know how common it is for people to directly question existence, social contracts, our roles and purposes, but I imagine your thoughts resonate with many of us; the experiences and perceptions you shared are deeply familiar to me.
Since your story helped me understand where you’re at, I will reciprocate with a story for you.
I never quite succeeded at living a life that resulted in genuine acceptance from relatives, religious circles, authority figures , or peers. I tried to fit in for awhile, and to even please others a few times, but it isn’t who I am and it shows. This disconnect allowed me to metaphorically wander into the wilds.
For over 30 years, I explored almost all big religions and some philosophies, and by the time I was in my late 40’s I finally embraced my atheism with a growing sense of liberation, although I don’t mention it around theists. I think it scares them, and who am I to yank away anyone’s security blanket?
I’ve lived a long and unconventional life with my own credo. Sometimes this meant fine tuning who is in my life, and who is excluded, which can be controversial - but for me it’s been a relief. Also, controversy is just one spice in a feast.
I agree with you that institutions or culture leaders or mythological deities can’t dictate what is good. My direction has always come from within because that’s the loudest voice*, and when I need to be reminded of what that means, I focus on the REAL life around me.
I don’t look for a purpose or a life well-lived because humans are no different than fish or rabbits or deer … except for how we lost our way. Seriously, look at the animals; this is what I mean by REAL life. They don’t waste their energy striving for someone else’s declared ideal. They don’t worry about yesterday or tomorrow. They don’t get wound up in possible outcomes or fake rewards. They just … are.
As you stated, we are briefly here on an insignificant rock spinning around in a tiny solar system of a regular galaxy, in one universe among countless universes, and we weren’t deliberately placed here to hoard crap, exert “dominion”, destroy everything, or delude ourselves that we should be famous or rich or impactful. (Okay, I took your thought and ran a bit with it.)
My life is filled with the things I need to do for survival, with interludes of connection that bring me joy. I try to not think too much about the survival part because for humans it’s so contrived, and it blocks natural feelings. My biggest struggle is keeping that shit where it doesn’t ruin the things that matter.
And what matters is YOUR call. Time with the people you love or being immersed in music or reading or looking at stars or laughing at how your dog zooms or touching trees or breathing or … whatever you want. As long as you can be in the moment with your true self, you aren’t wasting this magical blink of life.
*I don’t have an actual voice within, because I have total Aphantasia.
I love this answer so much. Thank you for taking the time to share it.
I will think it was all worth it because I lived in each moment making it the best and not fretting about how I’ll look back on it when I’m about to die
I would sit in a chair in my back yard, listen to the wind chimes and birds, and watch all of the wildlife just living their life. In essence, I’d spend the hour in mindfulness.
I love it.
For these unplanned hours, I look to the majesty and simple wisdom of nature for my answer:
I sleep slovenly, pass gas, and growl half heartily at anyone who disturbs me. Plus, I think if great apes and big cats could read, they’d probably consume at least as much Yuri light novels as myself.
Fair enough. Thank you for sharing.
I would consider my life “well-lived” if I die with no regrets.
I used to think that. Now I know that regrets are inevitable. And I think they make life interesting. I’d rather have regrets than boredom.
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Live
To crush my enemies, see them driven before me, and hear the lamentations of their women.
Ah, ambitions of conquest.
What’s the point? In 100 years, everyone here now will be dead. Nothing we do really matters. Life is pointless.
That is the point. Do whatever you want because no one’s gonna remember it anyway. Once I realised that, life because a bit more bearable.
Had the same realization here. But still, that was not enough to placate my feeling of the world being inadequate to my needs and desires. So I joined a progressive political party, partake in biweekly local party meetings, working groups and other odd gatherings. I also help with local projects like having cars banned from an inner city street for a day to repurpose the gained space into a children’s playground with outdoor toys and stuff.
In short: take your anger of the world’s senselessness and inadequacies and direct it into positive action. It really works (for me) to assuage the helplessness about my and humanity’s situation in general as I actually am making a difference in the world by coordinating with likeminded people. It really gives you a very palpable and natural feeling of one’s identity finally and actually making or having a some kind of “sense”. For me it really was an epiphany on the level of like “this feels an order of magnitude more natural than all of my previous life experiences in school, uni, or work life.” I feel like getting into local politics is more akin to discovering a whole new circle of friends who share the same goals as you, than it is just about making do with the work groups and desired outcomes you get assinged for in uni or at work.
What a great thing to do! I think it’s why a lot of people volunteer for causes and give their time and money to charity. Such a great way to directly see the positive impact you’re having on the world.
The one who plants trees, knowing that he will never sit in their shade, has at least started to understand the meaning of life. Rabindranath Tagore
Do you think this makes any sense? If not, why not?
Is that because video games are awesome, or because you haven’t used your creativity to come up with anything else?
I try not to worry about having a legacy, and don’t think dead people have the same priorities as living people. Being nice and taking the time to listen to people is what I think has made the most difference in the world so far. If I had only one hour left I’d call all my kids. If I had only a few months left & would be healthy for it, I’d travel around the world.
Good answer. Do you call your kids now? Do you travel now?
Some are still young at at home, most are in town, a few are farther away, we text more than talk but stay close.
Travel, no, sadly many kids means less money! We do have a vacation at least every other year but usually nearby.
If I have changed even one life of a stranger in a way that helped them, I’m happy with my life.
If I had an unexpected extra free hour tomorrow I’d continue painting the mini I’m currently working on. It’s hard to say how many regrets I’ll have in my old age but I like to take the time to do the things I enjoy.
I like making things. Painting makes me feel fulfilled because I always give it a fair shake, and there’s always effort put into it. Maybe some day someone else will enjoy the results, but for me, I enjoy the making process. If you’re curious, I’ve posted some here, should be able to see them on my profile.
Whoa, some amazing paint jobs! The detail is insane
Thank you!
I really like your answer.
Thank you
