I’m writing this as someone who has mostly lived in the US and Canada. Personally, I find the whole “lying to children about Christmas” thing just a bit weird (no judgment on those who enjoy this aspect of the holiday). But because it’s completely normalized in our culture, this is something many people have to deal with.
Two questions:
What age does this normally happen? I suppose you want the “magic of Christmas” at younger ages, but it gets embarrassing at a certain point.
And how does it normally happen? Let them find out from others through people at school? Tell them explicitly during a “talk”? Let them figure it out on their own?
Never, because Santa is the spirit of Christmas, and he is real. As long as someone includes a “from Santa” label on at least one gift, Santa’s been there.
Nowadays, it’s agreed in the family that stockings are from Santa.
Oh, “from Santa”… I must’ve been thanking the wrong guy, but Satan does have a similar name.
Satan gives better candy, and has a cool van.
No magic for me, I told them immediately as they could understand. That shit is a gateway to religion. I didn’t even care if they believed me or the liars, I was quietly ready to be found right in some years, but the keepers of the ol’ magic flame were not persuasive enough and my brood went around redpilling their peers.
That is why it is such a great learning tool. Sitting them down when they find out Santa isn’t what they thought, and discussing that at school they will meet Christians who believe things as solidly as they believed in Santa, and that beliefs can be important to people, just as Santa was important to them, even though they might be wrong it isn’t very nice to burst that bubble… The kids get it, they understand fact and fiction better, and won’t be tricked again. It is a great learning experience. And kids will play along with it and not ruin someone else’s christmas.
From the very beginning. It’s much more magical and less creepy.
My dad used to dress up as Santa Claus and bring gifts to kids at the village’s daycare… This required months of work from my mother to buy toy packs and similar stuff to separate into little assorted packages for the kids. This started before I was born, it was impossible to hide the fact from me growing up, and they never tried to pretend Santa was real, they just told me not to tell the other kids. I had no further questions or doubts to be assuaged.
Just don’t play into it. My parents never did the Santa gifts thing from the beginning. All our gifts were from mom, dad, grandma/grandpa, etc.
I never got a “talk” that I can remember about Santa not being real, it just never was a thing.
No magic was lost for me or my siblings. Christmas was still our favorite holiday of the year. Still had tons of fun decorating, making cookies and gingerbread houses, making gift wishlists, going out to get a tree, putting up lights, getting up early Christmas morning to open gifts, etc.
Most magical time of my life personally as a kid during the season, nothing was lost by not believing in Santa bringing me presents.
Emphasize the important things about the season. It’s about generosity, spreading joy to others, celebrating friends and family that we don’t get to see often, etc. Don’t make it consumeristic. I wish my folks had taken me and my sibs to help at some sort of community function around the holidays. Although as we got into our teens, we would do food drives and toys for tots, etc. Which was good.
I waited until he was 8 years old before explaining the horror of Satan Claws
I found the present stash when I was about 5-6 years old and spent a few years continuing to go through the motions of Santa, playing dumb. I was also told by a non-Christian kid around that time that Santa was fake (not sure which came first). It made me very upset for a day, which is why I remember so clearly, and then I realized either way Christmas is still great. I’m glad I played dumb, for my sister’s sake, and I think my parents got a kick out of it.
We used Santa (et al.) as an exercise in critical thinking. Outside of saying, “Yep, the Easter Bunny did it.” we never directly lied about it. If they asked a question about it, we answered truthfully.
Child: “Whoa, how does he visit all those homes in one night?”
Dad: “It’s impossible unless he uses magic.”
C: “Whoa magic is real??”
D: “Nope.”
They all figured it out on their own before they hit grade school.
That’s what my parents did too. Backfired on them when I left religion years later lmao
They thought it was funny/cute when I tried to argue with other kids about it, but aren’t so happy when I argue about religion with them now 😆
Wow, your parents raised you to think critically for yourself, then got upset when you thought critically for yourself? Lol
That being said, I’m glad your parents had their priorities in order
they weren’t upset that I was thinking critically, but they’re not happy I left the church. In their mind thinking critically points to the church. And I can be pretty argumentative when I disagree with someone and think they’re pretty straightforwardly wrong, hence arguing about santa as a kid and religion with them 😂
But i’m definitely glad they did too
I am sure they are still proud of you.
Yeah I think in a lot of ways they are
As an ex-child, I figured it out on my own at the age of 6. You see, back then, our gifts would be given to us by a Santa Claus in a suit at our kindergarten, and the gifts would be what we wrote letters for with our parents. We would tell our parents, and they would “write” and “send” the letters. Then they would buy, pack, and label the present, and then bring it in to our kindergarten sometime earlier. On one of the last days when we break up for Christmas, the Santa would come to our kindergarten and we would take photos with them and our presents. After that, we would go home with the presents and get the photos soon. Now, as you can clearly see in the picture from the previous year, the santa has a very different beard and suit, far too different to be real. Alongside that, a roll of the same wrapping paper was hidden behind my parents’ wardrobe, and last but not least, my name on the present was written in my mother’s unique and very recognisable handwriting style. Not bad for a 6-year-old, huh?
Ugh my sister believed until she was 10. When I pointed out that the labels were in mom & dad’s handwriting, she said Santa had a special pen that mimics other people’s handwriting (why? no idea). Like come on dawg you’re in the double digits now, you’ve gotta be smarter than this.
I was kinda on the opposite end of the spectrum lol. I remained steadfast in engaging with the Santa Claus mythos until a pretty late age despite my parents staight up telling me they were the ones getting me presents, and despite knowing that all evidence pointed to them telling the truth, lol.
I was also 6. I received California Games on Nintendo. It has a barcode. I thought, “what the hell does Santa need a barcode for?” Mom tried to tell me the elves couldn’t make video games and I was like yeah right, you fucking bought that.
Not christmas stuff here but also giftbringer once a year.
Most times the children get to know the truth at 6-8 year. When they are in the year off school you get to write and read… If you don t know yet the others will tell you. And sometimes a bit of laughing. Hardcore believers are like 10. Never saw one older than that.
My sister was 4 she wanted proof. So explained. I was 6 and mam told me cause my relatives got always so mutch more and she did not wanted me to feel bad. Or think i was bad. My niece was 10 and she was like 2 days sad crying in het bed after dhe was told.
If I had kids I’d just do what every parent I know including my own did and let them find out themselves. I feel like it’s more natural that way.
We always said Santa was a fun make believe activity, but then our house has a lot of fantasy media so what’s one more myth?
Kids talk at school. Ages 5 to 9.
Saw this on Reddit years ago, and it goes like: You had a great time thinking of Santa. Now you know the truth, and you are now Santa. Same as your parents. Don’t ruin it for your siblings, let them keep the magical feeling.
This. I was eight when I found out. My mother was in denial and kept using santa as a manipulation tool for good behavior until I was maybe 13, but she was an alcoholic with the tentative grasp of reality. I got super bitter about Christmas until I was homeless as a teen.
Christmas was the first major attempt to wrestle back what I felt I was owed as a child. I refused to be bitter, because I saw that as giving in to the people who wanted me to fail. I enjoy Christmas as punk as fuck.
Still hard, though. I can’t find anyone as into it as I want to be and don’t have the energy to really go all in as I want to.
Not sure if it will help, I was looking for another video about Santa specifically. But could not find it. In that video he says that he did not dismiss Santa’s tales but also did not engage with it. And at a certain point question the tales and asked the kids how they know that’s Santa who is giving them presents. Then the kids looked for ways to find out, and discovered themselves. (If I remember correctly)
Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
https://piped.video/BsR6sIsoWgU
Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
I’m open-source; check me out at GitHub.
We made a point of never lying to our kids about Christmas/Santa and it didn’t seem to diminish their enjoyment of Christmas at all.
I’m surprised I had to scroll this far down for this exact answer. We did the same thing and they enjoyed it nonetheless.
In our family it was done like this: The story of how the presents get magically to the house was told, just like you would tell a fairytale, in this kind of storytelling way. Younger children believe it, older children begin suspecting something from the tone of voice. We also let some things slip sometimes, like hiding presents and having to go and buy some secret stuff to help with preparing the Christmas. Children of older preschool age really enjoy being able to find out themselves, suspecting you and catching the clues. Then when they confront you with their theory, you can let them in on the conspiration by just a wink, maybe tell them not to let others know. They then tend to start participating, preparing their own presents for others. It works very well.
I like this. in my family, I figured it out at about 3 or 4, promptly told the 2 year old, and broke the reality to the next two before they could even start to believe there was a real Santa.
instead, Santa was the spirit of Christmas, so any of us could be Santa if we gave presents with no expectation of recognition or a return gift. much more Secret Santa than magical man leaving presents.
this did lead to several years where the youngest would give away all their toys, only to then reclaim them after presents were opened. generosity isn’t an easy concept for the pre-schoolers.
