Hi my fellow Lemmy users! It’s been a while since I used this platform and boy did I actually miss you all ❤️
It’s just that I’ve been more so focusing on myself in my career and in my own education. So I graduated back in June and man it sure does feel like a lifetime ago already. Settled in a good paying job and still trying to improve myself wherever I can.
This brings us to the question that I wanted to ask everyone here. As I’ve been very focused on academics and career stuff I never had the opportunity to date and I’ve been rejected very frequently (which is to be expected as a man tbh). I haven’t been able to lose weight and that I’m 25 years old.
I know that’s still pretty young but I still feel so behind on dating tbh. Is it still too late for me to find someone I want to be with after I’ve lost weight? Does losing weight help for men as it does for women? I’ve been trying to join meetups, volunteering (just to meet new people tbh) and really put myself out there. It’s just idk like all my friends are committed and I’m just floating around life whilst focusing on my career.
Relax, you’re only 25. You have plenty of time to fall madly in love, get married, fall madly out of love, get divorced, and repeat. Multiple times if you want to! People of all ages and in all walks of life are dating and getting together, so no, you’re never too old.
Also as far as weight goes, in my opinion you should lose it because you want to lose it, not simply because you think it’ll make you more attractive to others. You’re more likely to keep it off that way, and when it comes to building meaningful relationships I think being fit is much less important than being yourself and being comfortable in your own skin.
You have plenty of time to fall madly in love, get married, fall madly out of love, get divorced, and repeat.
As a 43yo, fuck did that hit hard. Well, except for the “repeat” part. I have a lot of issues to work through before I get to that, if ever.
You don’t need to be thin to date. I’ve been a fat man my whole life, introverted and introspective, spent most of my life alone.
My first relationship wasn’t until about your age. I married her because I thought I’d always be alone otherwise. It was a mistake and I was wrong.
Took a long time to figure myself out, only had two other real relationships and a few nonstarters, then met my wife when I was almost 40.
I’m still fat. So what?
…why would it be too late for you to date? People want companionship throughout their lives…
Thanks for responding to my post! It’s just that, I come from an immigrant background and I never really had the chance to date tbh. It’s just my thinking is that the longer it’ll take to find someone the more likely I’ll be seen as a walking red flag. Sure I’ll hopefully be in a good position career wise, great social life but never having had dated anyone isn’t a good look. It’s just in my experience a lot of people brushed me off cause of that so it just makes me feel trapped I guess. That’s why I felt that it’ll be too late.
You’re still really young.
First, getting an education and getting a career going is a great start. It shows a level of maturity and that your life is moving in a positive direction. That’s a big plus.
Second, you mention that you’re from an immigrant culture. That might be skewing how you perceive the age vs relationship factor. In the US, it varies widely by socioeconomic class and geography, but just starting to get out there at 25 isn’t that unusual and shouldn’t raise a lot of red flags. I wouldn’t lead with it as an intro statement, but if it comes up naturally after a few dates with the same person, they’ll have the context to understand rather than rush to judgment.
Getting in shape generally only helps - it’s also a signal indicating that you have your life on the right track and do self care - but charisma isn’t all about weight or even appearance. You should be able to talk great, listen great, or both.
I agree, it is definitely skewing how I perceive the age vs relationship when I see a lot of people who’ve been in relationships multiple times before they hit 25 when I moved to the US when I was like 19. Other things that could be skewing how I perceive is how I think I look which is another reason why I am trying to lose weight as well. Thank you for your reply tho, I really appreciate it.
You need to remember your target demographic will be in the same situation and likely empathetic.
The only red flags in a real relationship are how you treat the other person and yourself. Don’t put dating on a pedestal. It’s just 2 people hanging out and getting to know one another.
It’s not the same for everybody. Some people find lots of success with apps. Others meet people at social events. Some meet at work. Just be yourself around people and pay attention to who you jive with on a personal level.
Weight shouldn’t be a problem. The reality is that everybody has things they are attracted to and for some people weight can be a factor. Only loose weight for your own happiness, though. Don’t do it to attract a partner because that’s not a good way to maintain a lifestyle change and your own happiness is paramount with changes like that.
Just stay away from all dating advice for men, be honest, learn to care about other people if you don’t already, and you’ll be fine.
I met my wife at 28. When you do find someone, remember to try to separate whether you love being in a relationship from whether you love them.
The sooner you let the wrong ones go, the more time you have to find the right one.
Good luck!
Never too late, although it does sound like you could reflect on how much time you spend on you. Your career is great, but you need to be happy first.
Get weird, find some hobbies or just get on some paid (and therefore more serious and less gamey) dating apps and start finding out what you want and what you like. Lack of experience seems like the hardest thing in the world to overcome, but it’s really not, just gotta relax and make some mistakes. Accept that you’re gonna have some awkward interactions and just try to make each of them a fun story…and don’t take pushy advice to heart.
I’m 25 years old.
No. The answer is no. Unless you were exclusively looking to date leonardo dicaprio, 25 is not too old
Maybe I’m just in a good mood, but I saw that and about died. Thanks for the chortle and subsequent coughing fit.
2old4leo
My stepfather Skyped me recently to introduce me to his new girlfriend. He’s 91. So no, it’s not too late for you to find someone to love. It sounds like you’re doing well at being social. Don’t worry too much about it, just be genuine, open, and interested in the people you meet.
91? NINETY ONE!??
Is your stepfather a vampire?
Ha ha! We are beginning to wonder. My late mother would have been over 100 if she was still alive; he was her toyboy, lol. He’s fit and active, has lots of hobbies, walks everywhere and has opinions about everything. We love him a lot, and hope he is indeed immortal.
As you say, 25 is not old at all. As long as you keep socializing with friends and coworkers, pursue IRL hobbies ideally social ones, etc. as you mention, I don’t think it matters much if it takes you 6 months or >5 years to reach your fitness goals.
The only people I’d consider “”“lost cases”“” I know personally are shut-ins who have long mentally parted ways with baseline humanity. An inability to have a decent conversation with people is harder to fix than being overweight and becomes more of a problem with each year of age. But you seem to be on the right track there!
…Is the cat a boy?
Your son is so cute and your cat as well! This is something I’ve always wanted, a family of my own even with how difficult it can be raise a child and everything. Idk there is something fulfilling for me when it comes to family but I really appreciate you sharing that and your advice as well
Thank you for the clarification.
It’s actually a great age to date. Improve yourself just for the sake of your own health and you’ll do fine.
If the question is “am I too old to X?” where X is not some kind of major official sporting achievement or something limited only to children, the answer is no.
Honestly it sounds like you’re in a pretty good place to me. Educated, good job, actively social, these are all attractive things! But the fact that you asked this question in the first place suggests confidence is still lacking a bit (which makes sense, you are as other commenters have said still very young). One thing that does help with confidence is losing weight and feeling like you look good, so in that respect it probably would help. But it’s not like heavier people are all single, if you click with someone you click. And by putting yourself out there you’re already giving yourself the best chance of that happening.
Thanks for saying that, I appreciate you highlighting the positives of me. You’re right when it comes to confidence, its just that I do hard things that people don’t do because its just I wanted to prove that I am worthy for love and relationships. I do try to work on my confidence my trying to validate myself internally (that’s why I have like positive affirmations notes with me all times and Marcus Aurelius famous quote of you having power over your mind).
Its still a work in progress but its just I crave for love so much and honestly this is something I just can’t help but blame my own weight because women tend to like slimmer men even if there are women who like chubbier or even don’t care about your weight. But the reality has been in my experience been that they do prefer men who are athletic or at least who look good but when you’re not that its been a vicious cycle for me where to cope for rejection I’d just turn to eating more as a coping mechanism or a stress reliever. I do hope that women are more open minded and I do hope I am wrong about that. Again, thanks for your comment I appreciate you saying that.
(which is to be expected as a man tbh)
Well, there’s your problem right there. You go in expecting to be rejected and it’s probably going to happen. It’s cliche but true, be confident, don’t be desperate, just be present. Talk to women like they’re men, they’re really not any different. Don’t go into it looking for a relationship, just go into these things to meet new people and see what happens.
Society and social groups will convince you there’s a “right time” for everything. There isn’t. We all find our own path, there’s no right or wrong way about it.
Hell I’m mid 40s and the last time I was single was right about your age. Getting all the school stuff out of the way first puts you on a level to have a better perspective on what you want to have in a partner.
